apologies from the northern front

This horrible depression has lead to so many misunderstandings and erratic behavior in the last month all I hear coming out of my mouth lately are apologies to friends, family, loved ones.  Food has been hard to stomach and my heart hard to control, I've been forced to look in the mirror and take care of my self, something I haven't done in a long while.  I am the care taker.  Last month I fell apart and demanded to be taken care of by way of a mental break down, that did not work.  So here I am scraping my self off the sidewalk, now alone.  Yea it wasn't perfect but it worked, we loved and cared and just were, it was nice, I'm not a big romantic.  I see now that I got unhealthy, in my break down I started looking for reasons that something so good could not work and I destroyed it.  My life has been stagnate for too long, in celebration of the new administration and in the words of Sam Cook "a change is gonna come."  I will bundle up and go outside and hang out with my one friend here and look for jobs and go to school, get my head on right and hopefully my heart will follow suit.